God is insane. Who could possibly watch CAREBEARS (ick!) when we have shows like "Dragontales" and movies like The Land Before Time? I mean do they really expect us to believe that TEDDYBEARS with funny pictures on their stomaches live in a magical fairy horse land filled with rainbows and candy mountains and super blue skies and fluffy clouds??? Come on. That's tantamount to pretending that aardvarks, rabbits and bulldog twins are friends who attend a school taught by a rat. NO. Clearly, however, dinosaurs used to talk to each other as they thwarted sharp-tooth after sharp-tooth before befriending a tiny blue-purple one who was going to "Have Friends For Dinner" (Which resulted in a slight misunderstanding between dinosaurs), and clearly, if I ever managed to find myself a Dragon Scale and if I ever manage to learn the secret chant, I will be magically transported to a fantastical waterfall world filled with friendly blue and pink and two-headed dragons. Please. The kind of bullshit that we feed our children. And we wonder why they grow up to be such delusional retards. They should have watched more sensible cartoons like "Tom and Jerry" and "Roadrunner".
Anyway. I was sitting in an English classroom waiting for the teacher to give me papers to grade and I was sitting in front if a poster devoted to American Writers. What did I notice. 4 of the people on said poster lacked beards and moustaches, and 3 of them were women, and the 4th a black man by the name of James Baldwin. So here's the list of White Male American Writers with bears and moustaches:
Henry David Thoreau, Natural Hypocrite
Nathaniel Hawthorne. My Favorite.
Mark Twain, funniest person ever born
Henry Adams, virtual nobody
Ernest Hemingway who, aside from being a Sean Connery wannabe, had a horrible name and wrote the funniest novels, though that was unintentional (For Who The Bell Tolls. Trust me, just read it).
I'm lame. I'm watching all the old Care Bears movies on YouTube. They're so cheesy, the dialogue reminds me of my old Detective Barbie computer games. And that is like, the epitome of cheesiness. But I totally remember why I loved them so much. Except that now, when someone mentions Braveheart (the lion dude), I get a picture of Mel Gibson in my head.
"Let go of me, you cheese eater!" "C'mon, let's go get that nut!" That dialogue is just pure win.
Oh, and I must say that its really sad that in last night's game, the Sharks were playing the best while shorthanded. As in, they got half of their shots off in the first period when Marleau and Grier were manning the penalty kill. They were even able to get a shortie; the only other goal they scored was on a 5-on-3. So they either have to have a huge advantage or on a disadvantage. That's good to know.
The most WTF moment during the game - which is hard to do, considering how badly the Sharks played - was the "2 minutes for roughing" call after Roy and Semenov fought. Just watch (sorry for Calgary feed, only one I could find):
Seriously, those refs should be fired or something. That's probably the easiest call to make, EVER. I'd really like to know what was going through their heads. I would have loved to have Semenov off for those five minutes. We got jipped out of it in their first fight in the game (also 2 minutes for roughing).
I think I'm going to make some more brownies. Most of the ones I made yesterday have disappeared, which kind of pisses me off since I had a grand total of two. I want my brownies, damnit!
Ann, I started you present in November, and I'm still sort of finishing it. You'd better like it.
I forgot we had this blog for a few days.
It feels like I'm going through hockey withdrawals cause I missed the game on New Years.
I love Milan Michalek.
I hate School.
I hate college.
I don't think I'm going to get in anywhere.
Recently I bumped into an old elementary school friend at the mall. She's writing her college essays on how she created a basketball league for disadvantaged East Side Elementary students, and how it felt playing for the varsity teams for basketball AND volleyball all four years. FOR BOTH. She's also going to graduate with a 4.3 give or take maybe .1 point. Out mothers decided to play a game of "My Horse Is Bigger Than Your Horse". Needless to say, I lost. I think I'm going to go kill myself now.
Why is everyone from my old elementary school taller than me??? I mean, I know I was one of about 2 Asians at the school, but really? I mean there have to be SOME short white people. Stupid Mormons. I guess with all those wives and all those kids some of them have to be tall. Maybe they only let the tall ones reproduce. I think that must be it. All Mormons have tall genes in them now because the short ones don't get to have babies.
I mean, I pride myself on being tall for an Asian. I would know, my school consists of 65 percent Asian. Yes Asians seem to like everything to be small - currently I believe they are trying to make game boy game cartridges even smaller than they already are. I had to buy five copies of Tetris and Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader each because I lost them. I found three of my copies of Tetris, so I don't have to worry about losing them too much. I think my sister stole all my copies of Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader though.
Why is Tetris not considered a word by Blogger's spell check? I mean isn't that one of the oldest most long standing and most popular games of all time? Other than like breakout (a.k.a. brick). Hell, Blogger, apostrophe S is not a word according to the annoying red lines that show up under words that are not words. "Blogger's". Incorrect.
I haven't slept in almost 2 days now. Goodnight. Hopefully.
Well, Satan's post didn't matter seeing how both twins ended up being inconsequential.
5-0. Sharks win. Goals by Blake, Marleau, Setoguchi, Thornton, and Plihal. The Sharks are one of the few teams that have yet to have either a hat trick or an empty net goal (thanks, Grier). They might be the only team without both, I don't know.
Oh, and this seriously cracked me up. Boucher and Lukowich are freaking awesome. And Joe Thornton somehow always seems to be naked.
And I have to admit that I completely forgot about Christmas. Yeah, yeah, even though its my son's birthday and all that (which actually isn't true - Jesus was born in March or June or something).
So to make up for her pitiable state, I'm here to cover the most important issue for tonight's game, the San Jose Sharks vs. Vancouver Canucks: How to tell the Sedin twins apart.
So, I have compiled several pictures for you to practice on, and several for you to guess. Ready, Set, Go:
Now if you look closely, you'll notice that Henrik's mouth is usually open wider than Daniel's, except for when they both had no beards.
See if you can guess these:
And the answers are: 1. Henrik is the one who doesn't look like a bearded Jack O'Callahan (a.k.a. the one on the right) 2. Now Henrik is on the Left 3. The cuter one is Daniel 4. Henrik again is on the left 5. They even have like the same freaking WEDDING RING...
Just remember: when in doubt, Daniel will be the one raping us, and Henrik will be enabling him to do so.
"Sure, Daniel wears 22 and Henrik number 33." Marc Crawford on how he could tell the Sedin twins apart
And if you couldn't tell, I am the world's biggest image thief. So there.
Because I'm lame, and because I finally got my 10-year-old laptop to (somewhat) work, I decided to do a post-game wrap-up. I fully expect Kendra Satan to make fun of me.
Tonights game was the battle of the streaks - the Rangers with their 3-game winning streak, 6-game win streak against the Sharks (4-20-1 all-time), and the Sharks 2-game losing streak versus the Sharks' inability to lose in regulation at home. They (the Rangers, that is) didn't have a chance.
Boyle and Clowe, the two leading power play scorers on the Sharks, net a pair of goals within 25 seconds. Fans sigh in relief that no matter what, it won't just be a redux of the game-that-shall-not-be-named.
ANNNDDDD turnover. Leads to Rangers goal by Zherdev through Nabby's five-hole. Boyle was responsible, but I forgive him since he did score earlier. And because he's awesome. Thank you, Tampa Bay.
Oh captain, my captain - Marleau scores in the second period to once again extend the lead by two. Okay, seriously? Not trading Marleau has paid off dividends for the team; he currently leads the team with goals, points, short-handed goals, game-winning goals, and is second in both +/- and shot percentage. Oh, and the following video always cheers me up without fail:
Callahan scores for the Rangers, which ends up being the last goal scored of the night. And this is despite the Sharks playing like they were on a perpetual penalty kill the entire third period. Nabby redeemed himself after the game-that-shall-not-be-named, stopping 32 out of 34 shots.
Reason for the title? As was mentioned multiple times throughout the broadcast, the Sharks just came off a 5,200 mile road trip that lasted over the past week.
Okay, and I gotta admit, I did lie about the whole "Mario Lemieux is my favorite player" thing. That's all Satan. I throw my support behind Torrey Mitchell. And Patrick Marleau, if you want my favorite player in terms of skill. But I didn't lie about the stock market - as soon as I get enough evidence, I'll prove to you all that she is the one responsible!
And anyone who doesn't agree with me is a fucktard tool douchebag loser.*
God is a Liar. I did not cause the Stock Market Crash. My interests extend far beyond Colbert, Jon Stewart, and hockey. Mario Lemieux is my favorite player, not God's. The New Jersey Devils are named after my minions and Brodeur, and I am far more brilliant and creative than God. God Lies.
