Funny funny funny

I know that it still hurts... believe me, it hurts me too. But I found this online randomly, and cracked up. Pickles as a silent film star? Boucher as a politician? Great stuff. And totally made me forget about, well, its pretty obvious what.

Damn

Well, last night sucked. Can't really say anything else about it.

But on a slightly related tangent...

ZOMG TORREY MITCHELL IS AWESOME!!!

That is all.

Epicness

In honor of the ides of March, and the Sharks playing division rival Ducks, I have adapted Marc Antony’s famous “Friends, Romans, Countrymen” speech for the Sharks. The rhythm is off and I completely ignored the slightly mocking tone that Shakespeare gives Antony, but I think it still works out pretty well.

And yes, I do realize how pathetic this is. 

Friends, Sharks, hockey fans, lend me your ears;
I come to shoot the puck, not to pass it.
The elbows that Pronger throw live after him;
The good is pretty much non-existent;
So let us boo him forever. The douche Pronger
Has told you that it was simply physics:
If it were so, it was a grievous fault,
And Shelley will go crazy on his ass.
Here, with the first line in a slump -
Though Thornton is an amazing player;
So are they all, all amazing players -
Come I to speak about how they need to pick it up.
They were kicking ass and taking names:
But Thornton has but 1 assist in the last 10 games;
And Setoguchi has not scored in 8.
A beat-down of the Ducks shall suffice tonight
As they are the most hated of rivals:
Will this get them out of their slump?
When that the Ducks have shot, Nabokov have saved:
The game last time they got shut out:
Because Nabokov says “no goal for you”;
And Nabokov is an absolute beast.
You all did see that hit by Festerling
That dislocated Roenick’s shoulder,
With no call: why must JR be injured again?
Yet the Ducks are not in the playoffs;
And, I’m sure, they do pretty much suck. 
I speak not to disprove of this fact,
But here I am to speak what I do know.
Moen has been accepted here, not without cause:
A shorthanded goal, and in his second game?
Awesome! the third line got much better,
And can have more ice time. Bear with me;
The Sharks need to destroy these water fowl,
And I must have Duck stew in the morning.

Care Bear... STARE

I'm lame. I'm watching all the old Care Bears movies on YouTube. They're so cheesy, the dialogue reminds me of my old Detective Barbie computer games. And that is like, the epitome of cheesiness. But I totally remember why I loved them so much. Except that now, when someone mentions Braveheart (the lion dude), I get a picture of Mel Gibson in my head. 

"Let go of me, you cheese eater!" "C'mon, let's go get that nut!" That dialogue is just pure win.

Oh, and I must say that its really sad that in last night's game, the Sharks were playing the best while shorthanded. As in, they got half of their shots off in the first period when Marleau and Grier were manning the penalty kill. They were even able to get a shortie; the only other goal they scored was on a 5-on-3. So they either have to have a huge advantage or on a disadvantage. That's good to know.

The most WTF moment during the game - which is hard to do, considering how badly the Sharks played - was the "2 minutes for roughing" call after Roy and Semenov fought. Just watch (sorry for Calgary feed, only one I could find):

Seriously, those refs should be fired or something. That's probably the easiest call to make, EVER. I'd really like to know what was going through their heads. I would have loved to have Semenov off for those five minutes. We got jipped out of it in their first fight in the game (also 2 minutes for roughing).

I think I'm going to make some more brownies. Most of the ones I made yesterday have disappeared, which kind of pisses me off since I had a grand total of two. I want my brownies, damnit!

Crap I forgot about Christmas!

Well, Satan's post didn't matter seeing how both twins ended up being inconsequential.

5-0. Sharks win. Goals by Blake, Marleau, Setoguchi, Thornton, and Plihal. The Sharks are one of the few teams that have yet to have either a hat trick or an empty net goal (thanks, Grier). They might be the only team without both, I don't know.

Oh, and this seriously cracked me up. Boucher and Lukowich are freaking awesome. And Joe Thornton somehow always seems to be naked.



And I have to admit that I completely forgot about Christmas. Yeah, yeah, even though its my son's birthday and all that (which actually isn't true - Jesus was born in March or June or something).

5,200 miles

Because I'm lame, and because I finally got my 10-year-old laptop to (somewhat) work, I decided to do a post-game wrap-up. I fully expect Kendra Satan to make fun of me.

Tonights game was the battle of the streaks - the Rangers with their 3-game winning streak, 6-game win streak against the Sharks (4-20-1 all-time), and the Sharks 2-game losing streak versus the Sharks' inability to lose in regulation at home. They (the Rangers, that is) didn't have a chance.

Boyle and Clowe, the two leading power play scorers on the Sharks, net a pair of goals within 25 seconds. Fans sigh in relief that no matter what, it won't just be a redux of the game-that-shall-not-be-named.

ANNNDDDD turnover. Leads to Rangers goal by Zherdev through Nabby's five-hole. Boyle was responsible, but I forgive him since he did score earlier. And because he's awesome. Thank you, Tampa Bay.

Oh captain, my captain - Marleau scores in the second period to once again extend the lead by two. Okay, seriously? Not trading Marleau has paid off dividends for the team; he currently leads the team with goals, points, short-handed goals, game-winning goals, and is second in both +/- and shot percentage. Oh, and the following video always cheers me up without fail:



Callahan scores for the Rangers, which ends up being the last goal scored of the night. And this is despite the Sharks playing like they were on a perpetual penalty kill the entire third period. Nabby redeemed himself after the game-that-shall-not-be-named, stopping 32 out of 34 shots.

Reason for the title? As was mentioned multiple times throughout the broadcast, the Sharks just came off a 5,200 mile road trip that lasted over the past week.


Okay, and I gotta admit, I did lie about the whole "Mario Lemieux is my favorite player" thing. That's all Satan. I throw my support behind Torrey Mitchell. And Patrick Marleau, if you want my favorite player in terms of skill. But I didn't lie about the stock market - as soon as I get enough evidence, I'll prove to you all that she is the one responsible!

And anyone who doesn't agree with me is a fucktard tool douchebag loser.*




*That statement may or may not be plagiarized