In honor of the ides of March, and the Sharks playing division rival Ducks, I have adapted Marc Antony’s famous “Friends, Romans, Countrymen” speech for the Sharks. The rhythm is off and I completely ignored the slightly mocking tone that Shakespeare gives Antony, but I think it still works out pretty well.
And yes, I do realize how pathetic this is.
Friends, Sharks, hockey fans, lend me your ears;
I come to shoot the puck, not to pass it.
The elbows that Pronger throw live after him;
The good is pretty much non-existent;
So let us boo him forever. The douche Pronger
Has told you that it was simply physics:
If it were so, it was a grievous fault,
And Shelley will go crazy on his ass.
Here, with the first line in a slump -
Though Thornton is an amazing player;
So are they all, all amazing players -
Come I to speak about how they need to pick it up.
They were kicking ass and taking names:
But Thornton has but 1 assist in the last 10 games;
And Setoguchi has not scored in 8.
A beat-down of the Ducks shall suffice tonight
As they are the most hated of rivals:
Will this get them out of their slump?
When that the Ducks have shot, Nabokov have saved:
The game last time they got shut out:
Because Nabokov says “no goal for you”;
And Nabokov is an absolute beast.
You all did see that hit by Festerling
That dislocated Roenick’s shoulder,
With no call: why must JR be injured again?
Yet the Ducks are not in the playoffs;
And, I’m sure, they do pretty much suck.
I speak not to disprove of this fact,
But here I am to speak what I do know.
Moen has been accepted here, not without cause:
A shorthanded goal, and in his second game?
Awesome! the third line got much better,
And can have more ice time. Bear with me;
The Sharks need to destroy these water fowl,
And I must have Duck stew in the morning.
