Crap I forgot about Christmas!

Well, Satan's post didn't matter seeing how both twins ended up being inconsequential.

5-0. Sharks win. Goals by Blake, Marleau, Setoguchi, Thornton, and Plihal. The Sharks are one of the few teams that have yet to have either a hat trick or an empty net goal (thanks, Grier). They might be the only team without both, I don't know.

Oh, and this seriously cracked me up. Boucher and Lukowich are freaking awesome. And Joe Thornton somehow always seems to be naked.



And I have to admit that I completely forgot about Christmas. Yeah, yeah, even though its my son's birthday and all that (which actually isn't true - Jesus was born in March or June or something).

Colbert is free on iTunes

God needs to get a life. Seriously.

So to make up for her pitiable state, I'm here to cover the most important issue for tonight's game, the San Jose Sharks vs. Vancouver Canucks: How to tell the Sedin twins apart.

So, I have compiled several pictures for you to practice on, and several for you to guess. Ready, Set, Go:













Now if you look closely, you'll notice that Henrik's mouth is usually open wider than Daniel's, except for when they both had no beards.

See if you can guess these:











And the answers are:
1. Henrik is the one who doesn't look like a bearded Jack O'Callahan (a.k.a. the one on the right)
2. Now Henrik is on the Left
3. The cuter one is Daniel
4. Henrik again is on the left
5. They even have like the same freaking WEDDING RING...

Just remember: when in doubt, Daniel will be the one raping us, and Henrik will be enabling him to do so.



"Sure, Daniel wears 22 and Henrik number 33." Marc Crawford on how he could tell the Sedin twins apart


And if you couldn't tell, I am the world's biggest image thief. So there.

5,200 miles

Because I'm lame, and because I finally got my 10-year-old laptop to (somewhat) work, I decided to do a post-game wrap-up. I fully expect Kendra Satan to make fun of me.

Tonights game was the battle of the streaks - the Rangers with their 3-game winning streak, 6-game win streak against the Sharks (4-20-1 all-time), and the Sharks 2-game losing streak versus the Sharks' inability to lose in regulation at home. They (the Rangers, that is) didn't have a chance.

Boyle and Clowe, the two leading power play scorers on the Sharks, net a pair of goals within 25 seconds. Fans sigh in relief that no matter what, it won't just be a redux of the game-that-shall-not-be-named.

ANNNDDDD turnover. Leads to Rangers goal by Zherdev through Nabby's five-hole. Boyle was responsible, but I forgive him since he did score earlier. And because he's awesome. Thank you, Tampa Bay.

Oh captain, my captain - Marleau scores in the second period to once again extend the lead by two. Okay, seriously? Not trading Marleau has paid off dividends for the team; he currently leads the team with goals, points, short-handed goals, game-winning goals, and is second in both +/- and shot percentage. Oh, and the following video always cheers me up without fail:



Callahan scores for the Rangers, which ends up being the last goal scored of the night. And this is despite the Sharks playing like they were on a perpetual penalty kill the entire third period. Nabby redeemed himself after the game-that-shall-not-be-named, stopping 32 out of 34 shots.

Reason for the title? As was mentioned multiple times throughout the broadcast, the Sharks just came off a 5,200 mile road trip that lasted over the past week.


Okay, and I gotta admit, I did lie about the whole "Mario Lemieux is my favorite player" thing. That's all Satan. I throw my support behind Torrey Mitchell. And Patrick Marleau, if you want my favorite player in terms of skill. But I didn't lie about the stock market - as soon as I get enough evidence, I'll prove to you all that she is the one responsible!

And anyone who doesn't agree with me is a fucktard tool douchebag loser.*




*That statement may or may not be plagiarized

And now for the truth...

God is a Liar. I did not cause the Stock Market Crash. My interests extend far beyond Colbert, Jon Stewart, and hockey. Mario Lemieux is my favorite player, not God's. The New Jersey Devils are named after my minions and Brodeur, and I am far more brilliant and creative than God. God Lies.

I am God

Hello from your friendly neighborhood deity.

But enough about that; me and my friend Satan (pronounced "Sha-tahn" for all you ignoramuses) have decided to start this blog. Just stating the obvious there.

Expect a blog filled with random shit about shit. Yes, God swears. Don't be surprised. Of course, I'll be going by various alias in this blog, to protect my true identity from all those non-chosen ones (i.e. the ones who are too lazy to read the first post).

So, anyways, Satan and I have common loves: Stephen Colbert and hockey. Jon Stewart and hockey. And, of course, hockey and hockey. Despite Satan's namesake playing for the Penguins, and having a team named after her in New Jersey, we both love the San Jose Sharks. And Mario Lemieux.

I am the more Photoshop-inclined loser one. Satan, on the other hand, is more of the destructive kind. You know the stock market meltdown? All her.

So, more later from both of us.