Pregnancy

Pregnancy is gross. Did you know that premature babies are parasites??? Apparently, when babies grow, they eventually steal so much stuff from their mothers that the immune system sees them for what they really are (obnoxious leeches who eventually drive their mothers insane) and seek to destroy them. Proof that children suck blood.

Yet still for some unknown reason, I love to haunt baby name websites. So I was looking for a name that meant "laugh", "laughing", or "laughter", and apparently, people are now naming their children according to chatspeak. I'll prove it: go to http://www.babynames.com/index.php and click on "advanced search" under the regular search engine and type under "meaning" "laugh". You can now name your child "LOL". Isn't that depressing? For those of you going for a child with an embarrassingly onomotopiean name, you can name you child "Ehehene" in Hawaiin.

Greeks, Arabs, Native Americans, and Indians from India have the worst names, mainly because they're all around 3,000 syllables each, meaning that all hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobians of said ethnicities are screwed.

Okay so ends the randomness for now.

Funny funny funny

I know that it still hurts... believe me, it hurts me too. But I found this online randomly, and cracked up. Pickles as a silent film star? Boucher as a politician? Great stuff. And totally made me forget about, well, its pretty obvious what.

Damn

Well, last night sucked. Can't really say anything else about it.

But on a slightly related tangent...

ZOMG TORREY MITCHELL IS AWESOME!!!

That is all.

Epicness

In honor of the ides of March, and the Sharks playing division rival Ducks, I have adapted Marc Antony’s famous “Friends, Romans, Countrymen” speech for the Sharks. The rhythm is off and I completely ignored the slightly mocking tone that Shakespeare gives Antony, but I think it still works out pretty well.

And yes, I do realize how pathetic this is. 

Friends, Sharks, hockey fans, lend me your ears;
I come to shoot the puck, not to pass it.
The elbows that Pronger throw live after him;
The good is pretty much non-existent;
So let us boo him forever. The douche Pronger
Has told you that it was simply physics:
If it were so, it was a grievous fault,
And Shelley will go crazy on his ass.
Here, with the first line in a slump -
Though Thornton is an amazing player;
So are they all, all amazing players -
Come I to speak about how they need to pick it up.
They were kicking ass and taking names:
But Thornton has but 1 assist in the last 10 games;
And Setoguchi has not scored in 8.
A beat-down of the Ducks shall suffice tonight
As they are the most hated of rivals:
Will this get them out of their slump?
When that the Ducks have shot, Nabokov have saved:
The game last time they got shut out:
Because Nabokov says “no goal for you”;
And Nabokov is an absolute beast.
You all did see that hit by Festerling
That dislocated Roenick’s shoulder,
With no call: why must JR be injured again?
Yet the Ducks are not in the playoffs;
And, I’m sure, they do pretty much suck. 
I speak not to disprove of this fact,
But here I am to speak what I do know.
Moen has been accepted here, not without cause:
A shorthanded goal, and in his second game?
Awesome! the third line got much better,
And can have more ice time. Bear with me;
The Sharks need to destroy these water fowl,
And I must have Duck stew in the morning.

Why did almost all White Male American Writers have beards and moustaches?

God is insane. Who could possibly watch CAREBEARS (ick!) when we have shows like "Dragontales" and movies like The Land Before Time? I mean do they really expect us to believe that TEDDYBEARS with funny pictures on their stomaches live in a magical fairy horse land filled with rainbows and candy mountains and super blue skies and fluffy clouds??? Come on. That's tantamount to pretending that aardvarks, rabbits and bulldog twins are friends who attend a school taught by a rat. NO. Clearly, however, dinosaurs used to talk to each other as they thwarted sharp-tooth after sharp-tooth before befriending a tiny blue-purple one who was going to "Have Friends For Dinner" (Which resulted in a slight misunderstanding between dinosaurs), and clearly, if I ever managed to find myself a Dragon Scale and if I ever manage to learn the secret chant, I will be magically transported to a fantastical waterfall world filled with friendly blue and pink and two-headed dragons. Please. The kind of bullshit that we feed our children. And we wonder why they grow up to be such delusional retards. They should have watched more sensible cartoons like "Tom and Jerry" and "Roadrunner".

Anyway. I was sitting in an English classroom waiting for the teacher to give me papers to grade and I was sitting in front if a poster devoted to American Writers. What did I notice. 4 of the people on said poster lacked beards and moustaches, and 3 of them were women, and the 4th a black man by the name of James Baldwin. So here's the list of White Male American Writers with bears and moustaches:


Henry David Thoreau, Natural Hypocrite


Nathaniel Hawthorne. My Favorite.


Mark Twain, funniest person ever born


Henry Adams, virtual nobody


Ernest Hemingway who, aside from being a Sean Connery wannabe, had a horrible name and wrote the funniest novels, though that was unintentional (For Who The Bell Tolls. Trust me, just read it).


Among my favorites


The beautiful...

And I apologize for the super long hiatus

Care Bear... STARE

I'm lame. I'm watching all the old Care Bears movies on YouTube. They're so cheesy, the dialogue reminds me of my old Detective Barbie computer games. And that is like, the epitome of cheesiness. But I totally remember why I loved them so much. Except that now, when someone mentions Braveheart (the lion dude), I get a picture of Mel Gibson in my head. 

"Let go of me, you cheese eater!" "C'mon, let's go get that nut!" That dialogue is just pure win.

Oh, and I must say that its really sad that in last night's game, the Sharks were playing the best while shorthanded. As in, they got half of their shots off in the first period when Marleau and Grier were manning the penalty kill. They were even able to get a shortie; the only other goal they scored was on a 5-on-3. So they either have to have a huge advantage or on a disadvantage. That's good to know.

The most WTF moment during the game - which is hard to do, considering how badly the Sharks played - was the "2 minutes for roughing" call after Roy and Semenov fought. Just watch (sorry for Calgary feed, only one I could find):

Seriously, those refs should be fired or something. That's probably the easiest call to make, EVER. I'd really like to know what was going through their heads. I would have loved to have Semenov off for those five minutes. We got jipped out of it in their first fight in the game (also 2 minutes for roughing).

I think I'm going to make some more brownies. Most of the ones I made yesterday have disappeared, which kind of pisses me off since I had a grand total of two. I want my brownies, damnit!

OMFG God had better like her christmas present

Ann, I started you present in November, and I'm still sort of finishing it. You'd better like it.

I forgot we had this blog for a few days.

It feels like I'm going through hockey withdrawals cause I missed the game on New Years.

I love Milan Michalek.

I hate School.

I hate college.

I don't think I'm going to get in anywhere.

Recently I bumped into an old elementary school friend at the mall. She's writing her college essays on how she created a basketball league for disadvantaged East Side Elementary students, and how it felt playing for the varsity teams for basketball AND volleyball all four years. FOR BOTH. She's also going to graduate with a 4.3 give or take maybe .1 point. Out mothers decided to play a game of "My Horse Is Bigger Than Your Horse". Needless to say, I lost. I think I'm going to go kill myself now.

Why is everyone from my old elementary school taller than me??? I mean, I know I was one of about 2 Asians at the school, but really? I mean there have to be SOME short white people. Stupid Mormons. I guess with all those wives and all those kids some of them have to be tall. Maybe they only let the tall ones reproduce. I think that must be it. All Mormons have tall genes in them now because the short ones don't get to have babies.

I mean, I pride myself on being tall for an Asian. I would know, my school consists of 65 percent Asian. Yes Asians seem to like everything to be small - currently I believe they are trying to make game boy game cartridges even smaller than they already are. I had to buy five copies of Tetris and Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader each because I lost them. I found three of my copies of Tetris, so I don't have to worry about losing them too much. I think my sister stole all my copies of Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader though.

Why is Tetris not considered a word by Blogger's spell check? I mean isn't that one of the oldest most long standing and most popular games of all time? Other than like breakout (a.k.a. brick). Hell, Blogger, apostrophe S is not a word according to the annoying red lines that show up under words that are not words. "Blogger's". Incorrect.

I haven't slept in almost 2 days now. Goodnight. Hopefully.