Inner Nerd: Why did almost all White Male American Writers have beards and moustaches?

God is insane. Who could possibly watch CAREBEARS (ick!) when we have shows like "Dragontales" and movies like The Land Before Time? I mean do they really expect us to believe that TEDDYBEARS with funny pictures on their stomaches live in a magical fairy horse land filled with rainbows and candy mountains and super blue skies and fluffy clouds??? Come on. That's tantamount to pretending that aardvarks, rabbits and bulldog twins are friends who attend a school taught by a rat. NO. Clearly, however, dinosaurs used to talk to each other as they thwarted sharp-tooth after sharp-tooth before befriending a tiny blue-purple one who was going to "Have Friends For Dinner" (Which resulted in a slight misunderstanding between dinosaurs), and clearly, if I ever managed to find myself a Dragon Scale and if I ever manage to learn the secret chant, I will be magically transported to a fantastical waterfall world filled with friendly blue and pink and two-headed dragons. Please. The kind of bullshit that we feed our children. And we wonder why they grow up to be such delusional retards. They should have watched more sensible cartoons like "Tom and Jerry" and "Roadrunner".

Anyway. I was sitting in an English classroom waiting for the teacher to give me papers to grade and I was sitting in front if a poster devoted to American Writers. What did I notice. 4 of the people on said poster lacked beards and moustaches, and 3 of them were women, and the 4th a black man by the name of James Baldwin. So here's the list of White Male American Writers with bears and moustaches:

Henry David Thoreau, Natural Hypocrite

Nathaniel Hawthorne. My Favorite.

Mark Twain, funniest person ever born

Henry Adams, virtual nobody

Ernest Hemingway who, aside from being a Sean Connery wannabe, had a horrible name and wrote the funniest novels, though that was unintentional (For Who The Bell Tolls. Trust me, just read it).